NED? You Weigh How Much?

This Just In...

As I announced on Facebook yesterday, I have once again been declared NED (No Evidence of Disease) and was told I could stop gaining weight by my oncologist.  What does that really mean?  First, let me tell you that I will not be divulging my current weight.  Second, let me update the timeline of this Cancer "Journey":

April 2007:  Dx with Breast Cancer.  I underwent chemo, a double mastectomy and reconstruction--very poorly done reconstruction.  

March 2009:  Dx with Stage 4 Breast Cancer.  What does THIS mean?  Well, this means that the Breast Cancer spread to distant parts of my body, initially for me it was the liver.  When a cancer metastasizes, you do not develop a new cancer--I now had breast cancer in my liver.  I did not have liver cancer. So, I started a new chemo and was declared NED after 8 months, in November 2010.   I stayed that way for a year.

November 2011: The Breast Cancer was back in my liver and now also in my bones.  I went back on chemo for another 8 months before I was, again, declared NED in August 2012.  However, this time, I was only NED for three months.

November 2012:  The cancer was back in my liver and bones and I started a new chemo regimen, Xeloda.  I also had radiation to my left hip/pelvic bone area.  Now, six months later, I'm NED.

Note:  I do find it very interesting that the chemo I use to treat advanced breast cancer doesn't cause hair loss.  It's weird walking around being and feeling sick, but looking healthy.  I've been asked more than once, how can I be on chemo and still have hair--and yes, they ask it like I'm a liar...

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I still have cancer.  I always will.  The cancer cells are just dormant for now.  (That's the Good.)  With that in mind, I've decided to continue the Xeloda regardless of my current status.  I figure that since I'm tolerating the treatment as well as I am, it will help keep those pesky cancer cells dormant as opposed to stopping treatment and the cells waking up sooner.  Also, there is a spot on one of my ribs, but it may or may not be anything so we'll continue to monitor that.  Oh, and the chemo (or maybe the influx of fatty foods and cigarettes) is also starting to effect my heart, so I need to make some adjustments to help prevent possible heart disease.  (That's the Bad.)

Now, about my weight...

In the Spring of 2012, I became very, very depressed.  I stopped eating and I slept, a LOT!  Finally, on my own accord, I went to a therapist and then a psychiatrist who put me on a new anti-depressant.  Well, that doctor was cruel.  Just mean I tell you.  Why?  Because I made it clear that I had Stage 4 cancer and was happy to finally have hair again and not look sick.  So what did he do?  Aside from listening to me for all of 42 seconds, he put me on an anti-depressant that had a side effect of HAIR LOSS!  HAIR LOSS!!!  REALLY??  Really.  Four days after starting the new prescription, I started losing hair in the shower.  I Googled the new med, found out about the side effects and promptly threw that bottle of pills into the trash.  Bastard.  (He's the Ugly.)

I met with my oncologist, broke down in tears like he'd never seen from me before, and he put me on new anti-depressant as well as Marinol (to stimulate my appetite.  Heh, heh.)  I was down to 116 pounds.  He told to me to eat whatever I wanted: fried food; chocolate; anything with calories.   I promised to start eating and began my quest to eat a Whopper each day.  The first day it took me 4 hours to finish one burger.  After a few weeks I started feeling better.  As my weight came up,  my onc was pleased.  Me, not so much.

I've continued to gain weight over the year and yesterday, I was shocked at finding out I had put on yet another 5 pounds during the past 4 weeks.  I asked him if he was happy enough with my "progress" that I could stop gaining weight and he agreed.  He also told me not to lose any weight.  Fine. 

And that's the short version.  I'll continue to have good days and bad days.  I'm going to join a gym and start walking again to build up muscle mass I've lost over the past few years.  I'm going to eat better, but not deprive myself.   I'm going to keep on keepin' on.  That's just how I roll.