Let Them Eat Cake! And Drink Gravy and Swim in Butter!

The day every woman dreams of; the day your doctor says, “Don’t lose any more weight.”   Or how about this, “You don’t need to lose any more weight and adding 5 pounds is not a bad idea either.”  Today, I heard those magic words.  (I heard them last month too, but not in such a serious tone.) WOW.  Visions of Paula Deen and my mamaw’s friend chicken immediately started doing the jitterbug in my head.  The chicken leg was even wearing a WHAM! shirt.

Of course, the downside to all of this is that I’m not losing too much weight because I eat so healthy or because I visit the gym too much.  In fact, I don’t visit any gym at any time.  I’m losing weight because a side effect of my chemo is the loss of appetite.  Actually, I have no desire to eat.  I will have a hunger pang and ignore it, thinking, “Eh, I’m not craving anything” or “Eh, I don’t want to cook.”  There’s a clinical name for this: Anorexia.  When I was a chubby teenager, I recall wishing I had anorexia.  I wanted it just long enough to lose the right amount weight.  In my mind, once I hit that weight I would just quit being anorexic.  The good news is I don’t have THAT kind of eating disorder-that’s anorexia nervosa.  I don’t have much of a disorder at all, but I still feel like karma just took a bite out of my ass.  You can read about it here: https://www.caring4cancer.com/go/cancer/effects/lesscommon/weight-loss-and-anorexia.htm

Anyhoo.  While driving home, the chicken leg in my head turned into an entire fried turkey and Paula gave herself an insulin shot.  My senses came to me.  I thought to myself, “Self: when you try to lose weight you start by making small changes that reduce your caloric intake.”  Well, that’s not exactly what I thought.  But, I’m thinking I’m going to do the same thing now only opposite—tweak my diet to add a few calories.  For example, when we cook out, I normally eat a hamburger with ketchup, lettuce, and pickle.  If I splurge, which is not often, I treat myself to a cheeseburger with mayo, lettuce, and pickles.  Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I said to someone enjoying their burger with pepper jack, “You just added 7 grams of fat to your meal with that one slice of cheese.”  Well, now I’ll have the cheeseburger too!  Instead of getting unsweet tea or diet coke at Sonic, I’ll get the milkshake I really want!  Instead of forgoing the appetizer, I’ll get it and not feel (quite so) guilty!  I’ll indulge in a ‘leaded’ soda more often.  Hopefully, that will help me maintain my weight but not put on too much.  I'm open to suggestions such as the one my friend Carol gave me:  Drink more wine.

And that, my dear reader, is how you turn lemons into lemonade.  So if you happen to see me gorging myself on an array of fried foods, cheeses and desserts; remember, you should be very glad you are not me.  Really.  I promise.  Seriously.

Oh, and the onc gave me a little pill to take before lunch and dinner that will stimulate my appetite.  Nice.